My Life Is Like Roller Coaster

michael markar

Still crying,
Still begging,
Still pleading
Why won't you just go away?


I don't want this.
I don't need this
Weighing on my mind today.


Sick of you twisting my thoughts
Into darkness,
Actions into violence
Why do you forsake me this way?
I want to destroy you.
I don't want to need you
But it's all the same!!!!


I can't hate you without needing you.
I can't need you without hating you.
You're always there,
Trying to take over my mind.
I want to shake it off,
Want to break it all,
But if I scream
It will only come out as a whisper
To the world.
No one will hear me.
No one will know me
This is what I get for
Keeping you this way.


One minute I'm angry
And the next I'm calm.
One minute I'm relaxed
And the next I'm
The most violent person
You ever freakin' saw.
You wouldn't know it,
Wouldn't understand it
Unless you were inside my head.
It's the war raging onward,
Forward and backwards,
Like a roller coaster that never ends.


I'm impossible to love
Because I don't do relationship right.
I thrive off your pain just
To produce even more
Until I've broken every piece of you.
And then I don't understand why
I did what I did or how I could hurt you.
It's this damn disease making me grazy again.


I'm trying to get through each day,
One day at a time,
But some days I'm not okay.
I could never hate you as much
As I hate myself,
And that's why these scars
Protrude from my veins.


I don't understand it.
I hate that I have it.
Why am I the one to suffer this way?
Damn my genetics, or something else?
I hate this illness,
Can I please just be someone else today !!!!!!!!!!

Please help anybody? nobody!!! or maybe You Who are You? Who Am I ? who ?????????????

28 april 2010

michael markar

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